


Where Home Is

by ItsJina



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bunker Fic, Fallen Castiel, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 21:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsJina/pseuds/ItsJina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas doesn't know where home is anymore and Dean indirectly helps him find it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where Home Is

**Author's Note:**

> Anon sent me a ficlet and asked me to continue it. The beginning paragraphs in the quote is by the anon and the rest is by me. :)

 

> It was only a couple of days after the great fall that Dean came to the realization of the fact that Castiel had always had wings, he just could never see them. The thought was slightly stupid, but it was just one of those things he had subconsciously ignored. Of course, every now and again, he’d see the wing’s shadows, but to him, they were just that. They were just shadows. Now, he was given a very sharp reminder that those wings were real as he looked down at the man before him.
> 
> Two long gashes marked his back as permanent reminders of what he lost and what was stolen from him.”It’s not that bad.” He murmured to Castiel, as he began to gather supplies to sew his angel back up. Sam gave him a knowing look, recognizing the line he used on him one too many times as a kid. When he’d fall and Dean would pick him up and lie about the state of the injury so as not to alarm him.
> 
> Though Sam was still sick at the moment, the trials still holding a heavy place in his heart, he had an arm wrapped around the ex-angel’s shoulders, holding him in a permanent embrace. Together, they began to sew him back together. Sam holding Castiel and soothing his silent cries whilst Dean sewed him back into place. Once he’d finished, he came around to face Castiel and took his face in his hands.
> 
>  “All better!” He sang slightly but it fell flat and they all knew everything was far from okay.

The silence becomes unbearable and Castiel’s too-human eyes were unbearably sad and watery, forcing Dean to look away, mumbling, “Get some rest, Cas.”

He turns away and Sam falls into step next to him. But he’ giving him a look to do something about Cas, and Dean’s shrugging helplessly because how the hell do you comfort an angel who’s been betrayed by someone he had trusted and believed in, driven from his own home, and ripped from grace and forced to fall? Dean doesn’t even know where to begin.

“Dean.”

It’s a hush and terrified call for help, and Dean inhales sharply, not expecting the squeeze in his heart the moment he hears Cas’s broken voice.

Sam nods, encouraging him quietly, and walks out of the room.

Dean takes a moment to collect and steel himself so that he doesn’t break apart the moment he turns around and sees the former angel’s tear-stained face.

He’s proud of himself when he doesn’t react at all upon seeing Cas’s exhaustive look. He’s shoved emotions so far from his mind that he’s numb. Only the sound of his thudding heart distinguished him from a robot.

Cas was staring blankly at the ground, the tears streaming endlessly, but he makes no move to wipe them, and it dawns upon Dean that Cas was just as numb.

Dean goes on his knees to eye level, though Cas was staring beyond him to the ground. He wants to comfort Cas, he really does, but how? He has no clue even as his mind searches desperately for something, and finally settles with a soft whisper, “Cas.”

Cas lifts his eyes up and Dean locked their eyes. “Hey,” he says in that light tone and his hands itches to do something, but he doesn’t know what. Cas hasn’t blinked and he lets out a long shaky breath before dropping his hand on Cas’s right wrist, squeezing not enough to hurt but enough to reassure, “Hey, talk to me.”

Cas blinks then and he stares at Dean for a long moment before he shrugs Dean’s hand off and moves backwards. Ow. If that isn’t a rejection, Dean doesn’t know what is. He’s already reeling himself back in, taking penguin steps backwards, millions of negative thoughts running in his mind, before he realizes that Cas has moved over to the other side of the bed and was now looking at him expectantly, one hand on the empty side, inviting.

Oh. He crawls his way onto the bed, eyes watching Cas’s for anything to stop him. But there’s nothing and the moment he’s sitting, Cas lets out a tired breath and lies on his side, facing Dean. Dean follows, watching as Cas curls up like a fetus, his arms wrapped around himself, hand clutching his sides. Dean copies him, though he doesn’t hold himself as tight as Cas does. He notices Cas grimacing as his fingertips touch his back—where Dean had sewn him up. Dean looks away and waits with a rock in his throat.

The silence isn’t that uncomfortable, but when it stretches to minutes, Dean’s twitching, about to burst the quiet bubble with some random stupid rambling.

“Heaven is closed to us.”

Dean blinks and swallows down his almost-interruption. He doesn’t say anything but catches Castiel’s eyes, eyes that looked at him, but not really seeing. Dean can hear the implied ‘closed to me’ after those words, but he doesn’t comment and he waits.

“Heaven…home,” Cas whispers that last word with the same kind of yearning of a lost kid in an amusement park looking for his parents. Cas closes his eyes tightly and says with that deep and desperate panic, “Home is closed.”

And Dean gets it. Because home was taken from him when he was four years old and he can never go back. Maybe he’ll never understand how exactly hard it is for Cas, especially since heaven has been Cas’s home for centuries. But he knows the feeling.

Dean shuffles closer to Cas til they’re barely inches away from each other. He doesn’t know why, but it feels right. In the silence of the room, only Cas’s ragged breathing was heard.

Cas didn’t seem like he was going to say anymore, but it was enough for Dean. If only he knew the right words to say to make it better. If only he could keep Cas away from the ugly and bad side of humanity. But he’s clueless. He can’t even remember how he ever got over losing his home in Lawrence, losing his mom.

He gulps, cutting that thought short, and surprisingly, a different thought occurs to him. It’s cheesy as hell and really dumb, but Cas probably doesn’t know that. And maybe it contains an inkling of truth, so he says it.

“Home is where the heart is,” He announces, and receives a questioning look in return. “That’s a saying here on earth. And it’s something a lot of people say and believe in when they’ve lost their homes.”

“Why?”

Dean hears it in his rough and wearied voice—it’s small, but it’s there: curious, and hopeful. And Dean reaches for it, the barest of smile on his face as he says, “So they remember that they’re never truly homeless.”

Cas stares at him before lowering his eyes, face scrunched up in contemplation, and a chuckle bubbles in Dean’s chest but he contains it because he doesn’t want Cas to think he was joking or lying.

“How?”

Cas looks up and the expression is refreshing, despite it being a confused look. Dean prefers it any day over the sad ones, can almost imagine the little head tilt he always does. “How does that work?”

Dean scrambles to find something fantastic to say but at Cas’s piercing stare, he mumbles whatever he has at the top of his mind, “Because it’s who that makes up home, not where.”

Cas looks at him like he’s lost his mind entirely and the expression is so incredulous and ridiculously serious that a sudden crazy giggle threatens to leave his mouth, but he swallows it back down and stammers a clumsy explanation, “A place is just a place until it means something. Until it feels like home.” Wow, he’s doing such an incredible job because Cas was still looking at him like that. “This bunker. This place wouldn’t feel like home if I didn’t have Sammy, if I didn’t have Kevin, if I didn’t have you.”

That last part comes out like a confession and he freezes for a moment, terrified that it sounded weird, but he keeps going, hoping to gloss it over. “If you guys weren’t here, it would just be what it is: a bunker. A safe house from the monsters and demons, but it would never be home, because it wouldn’t have the people I care about. You guys are home, not the bunker.”

Christ, he’s too tired to think of a better and thorough answer, so he stops and gives Cas a moment to soak it all in. Cas has never looked away once while he explained, but his eyes lowers now. Dean closes his eyes and feels his body sinks further into the mattress, his muscles relaxing, and the weariness of everything that has happened recently seeps into his bones. He sighs slowly before muttering, “So, when humans say ‘home is where the heart is,’ they mean that it’s the people they love that make a home truly a home. So even if they’ve lost their house or trailer or whatever, as long as those people are still with them, they are not homeless.”

At this point, Dean’s pretty sure he’s gone in circles with his explanation. He’s just about given up when he doesn’t hear anything from Cas and he scrubs his face with his hand before sighing deeply and saying, “I guess the million dollar question is where is your heart at?”

It was quiet for a long moment before Dean’s jerked awake by Cas’s sudden words, “My heart is here.”

His heart drums away and his face burns hot but he doesn’t open his eyes in case Cas was looking at him. He clears his throat, but his voice is rough anyways, dry as hell, “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

Cas doesn’t try to explain and Dean wants to punch something because he wants to know what he meant by that but he’s also terrified in case it means what he thinks but damn it, a part of him is also hoping it does mean what he hopes it means. Dean hates this, but he resists, because Cas was in a fragile state of mind and whatever that was said now could mean nothing later. Dean doesn’t know how he feels about that possibility and quickly shoves all of it away.

He opened his eyes a couple minutes later to find Cas’s eyes closed, hands slacked and laid out on the bed, no longer clenching his body like earlier. Dean lets out a relieved sigh he didn’t know he was holding and, after a couple seconds, he rolls off the bed. He’s out of the room in another few seconds, closing the door without a sound.

When Cas wakes up later that night, Dean stays up a little longer while Sam and Kevin yawned and went to their own rooms. Dean pats the seat next to him before resuming his catch up on Dr. Sexy M.D. He fights a yawn as Cas plops himself down and leans on his knees, staring blankly at the screen. Dean ignores the fact that their legs are almost touching.

As nonchalant as possible, “Feeling better?”

Cas doesn’t answer right away, but soon glances to him, “Yes.”

Dean nods. He’s too tired to make conversation, but he doesn’t leave either.

Eventually, Cas leans back carefully and Dean notices him wincing as his back makes contact with the couch. When he settles, he sighs and asks, “What are you watching?”

“Dr. Sexy MD.”

If Cas was judging him, Dean’s glad he kept it to himself. “I see.” After a pause, “What is going on right now?”

“Dr. Sexy and Dr. Picolo are finally getting together, but there's huge drama and confusion right now. Someone thinks someone is pregnant with someone else’s child and that someone is cheating on someone and this other person is being accused of murder. All the while, there are patients dying and Dr. Sexy’s medical license is about to be revoked due to an earlier incident.”

“That sounds…complicated.” Dean could almost kiss him for sounding so genuine.

Dean shrugs. “It’s compelling.” Cas nods and they watch in a comfortable silence.

 As the episode concludes, after huge misunderstandings were resolved, Dr. Picolo puts a hand over Dr. Sexy’s chest, where the heart was, and said strongly, “My heart is here.” Then they kissed passionately and it ended with title credits scrolling on a black background.

Dean raises his arms and stretches, yawning loudly. He looks over to Cas, who’s frozen in his spot, expression thoughtful. Dean’s not sure why. “You okay?”

Cas doesn’t look at him, but nods.

Dean stares at him for a moment longer, briefly wondering what was running through that head. He’s about to tell Cas that he was heading to bed when Cas turns to him, his knee knocking into Dean’s, and he says with a breath of sudden realization, “Dean, my heart is here.”

Talk about throwing Dean a curveball. Dean scrubs his face with his hands, trying to get a clearer head, making sure he was hearing things right, “What?”

“My heart is here.”

It hits him all at once, understanding coming to him like clouds parting after a rainy day. His heart takes off, running wild, but he doesn’t want to raise his hope. He remembers now how Cas had said the same thing earlier. It could just be a repeat. He croaks, “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

It’s déjà vu all over again and Dean’s too tired to keep his curiosity in check. “What do you mean?” The moment the words leave his mouth, he’s groaning internally, too embarrassed to look at Cas. He can definitely feel Cas’s stare burning him up and he might just spontaneously combust from that and his traitor heart.

“Dean.” His leg bumps into Dean’s again as he shifts into a more comfortable position, still facing Dean. Dean doesn’t budge, too nervous to move. His hands were getting sweaty and he wipes them on his shirt discreetly.

The next thing he knows, Cas’s hand is open and moving over to his chest, right over his heart, the palm giving off warmth like a furnace. “Dean, my heart is here.”

God fucking bless hospital dramas. His heart beat is off the charts but he’s pretty sure he’s got the reference right when it just happened in front of him on tv a minute ago.

Dean’s finally bold enough to look at Cas and is met with a soft expression, slight humor dancing on his lips, but his blue eyes were focused and cleared. Oh, he totally meant what he did just now. Something lifts from Dean and he feels so light and warm as the fire in Cas’s palm spreads into his skin and wraps around his heart.

Dean chuckles and puts his own hand over Cas’s, pressing it tighter to his chest, “Yeah?” He’s trying not to grin really hard, but he might be failing, because he spies Cas’s smile widening just before replying, “Yes.”


End file.
